Though your heart is aching

I was walking down Kalakaua Ave. in Waikiki one day when all of a sudden this cute young brunette flashed a winning smile at me and said hi. Dumbfounded at the sequence of events, I flashed back a confused look with a wry smile at her, as we walked passed each other. I scratched my head and wondered what I had done to warrant that million dollar smile from her. Then it occured to me.

where the heck did my eyes go?

You see, I am one of the few people on this planet afflicted with this rare but incurable medical condition known as the perpetual smiley-faceyitisoma (actual medical term). It is a disease that affects the mucles of the face, giving the person a perpetual smiling look. It’s like as if you had botox while watching a funny movie – leaving your face in a constant state of joy.

In alot of ways it is actually beneficial, almost like having mutant super powers. Like a young superman trying to master his super powers, I grew up learning to wield this affliction to my advantage (only for the good humanity of course). So, let me enumerate the few advantages of this affliction:

1. I usually get alot of compliments esp. from girls.
2. It works great as a kid whenever I get into trouble. Every time dad pulls out the old leather belt to give you a good ole lickin because you dug a hole in the backyard deep enough to spy on the Chinese government, just flash that cheesy smile of yours and you’re almost guaranteed a leather proof rear. How can you lay a hand (or leather belt for this instance) on someone with a cheesy smile like that (pictured above)? Seriously?
3. It works great on job interviews. Every time the interviewer asks you one of those “WTH-did-you-just-ask-me?” questions, and you’re sweating bullets as you pull the answers from deep in the recesses of your colon. Just flash that cheesy smile of yours after you’ve given your “I-have-no-idea-WTH-I-just-said?” response. That will almost always make the interviewer forget what you said and hand you the keys to his porche and his private cabana? But of course you’re using this for the benefit of mankind so you should hand him back his keys.

Well, like every super power it has its limitations. You see, like Superman, despite his unlimited strength and speed, and the ability to fly, he has poor sense of fashion. Take for example the wearing of the red underwear outside the tights, or the need for a belt with buckle to hold up that tight red underwear. And those red boots over the blue tights? WTH? That doesn’t exactly equate to trendsetter.

So the downside to this great power is that:

1. Though I may get alot of compliments from girls but it sometimes borders creepy.
   

   you're freaking me out man!

2. Sending the wrong signal whenever I visit San Francisco. Nuff said.
3. Giving uppity girls a reason to be more uppity – “I’m not checking you out nor am I flirting with you that’s just how my face is molded.“
4. It’s so wrong to show up for someones funeral with a creepy smile permanently etched in your face. It’s like attending someones birthday party and puking all over their cake. Not nice.
5. It would make it difficult to express a remorseful countenance to the judge while on trial for a certain infraction – “Wipe that silly grin off your face son! You are in the court of law.“
6. Lastly, it would be difficult to call in a fake a sickie. Look at that picture above. Do you think that that would convince the boss to give you the day off when you tell him that your left lung has been the site for the pathogenic organism’s townhall meeting?

Me: Boss, I can’t make it to work today. I’m feeling a little under the weather.

Boss: WHAT?!!! It can’t be?!! Yesterday your face suggests that your life is full of rainbows and unicorns. Now get your butt out here.

So, with that you can make the conclusion that not only does great power come with great responsibility but also with fewer upside. So, guess who I’ll be for Halloween?

On the avian mafia hit list

I’m normally not a bad driver (Although my girlfriend would probably tell you otherwise, but don’t believe her. She’s almost never awake when I’m behind the wheel anyway). Anyway, this morning as I was driving up the hill on Waimano Home Road on my way to work, I was too busy enjoying the bright morning sun, and the cool morning breeze when all of a sudden out of nowhere there’s this thing flying towards my car. I can’t make out what that black object heading towards my car was since the sun’s glare was blinding. I just heard a loud thud as the object hit my windshield.

I was like, “what the crap??!!!”, and wondered what that thing that hit me was. Was it a baseball? There’s a high school close by and the object that hit my car was about the size of a baseball. Barry Bonds doesn’t exaclty live around Pearl City and I’m sure from the impact alone it would have left some damage to my windshield. Was it a flying Menehune then? Well mythical as they may be, they’re not exactly known to have the power of flight. So what the heck could that be?

I looked back at my rearview mirror and saw a ball of gray feathers come crashing back down to earth. That’s avian casualty #4!

I’ve never hit any form of terrestrial animal in the last 14 years I’ve been driving. And hitting a bird would be the most unlikely thing to happen since birds spend most of their time suspended in air or perched on tree tops and power lines, right? So technically the odds of hitting one would be lower. Right? But apparently not so. I’ve killed 4 birds in a span of 6 months. On the same stretch of road. At about the same time everytime. So, I can only conclude two things: (1) my 2004 Honda Civic is on a murderous avian rampage, or (2) the birds around this side of town are hardlined extremist on a suicide mission to cleanse the island from sexy Filipino men.

For some reason I’d like to think that the latter would be the best possible explanation. I don’t know why.

Hajimemashite Yamasaki-san!

When I was still living in L.A. people can never tell what my ethnic background is. I’m often mistaken to be Chinese, Korean, Japanese, or Thai, but rarely Filipino.

I thought in Hawaii they might have a better chance of figuring it out since the majority of the people, especially here in O’ahu, are of Asian descent. But apparently that’s not really the case. Having a Japanese girlfriend doesn’t make it any easier either.

A few Sundays ago as me and my girlfriend were about to enter church for worship service, one of the lady ushers came up to me and asked, “Are you Mr. Yamasaki?“, I politely said no. Then she followed that question with, “Are you related to the Yamasakis? Because you really look like him.” I politely replied, sorry I’m not, I’m not even Japanese. She gave me an embarassed look and apologized. My girlfriend couldn’t help but giggle because the more time I spend with her the more people mistaken me to be Japanese.

Lazy Saturday

Last Saturday morning I was awoken by a phone call with a very distinct ringtone, a ringtone so distinct that I ignored the call and let it ring until the voicemail picked up. I knew exactly who was calling but I was too tired to wake up and pull my phone out of my pant pocket which was in my laundry hamper inside the bathroom. So as soon as the voicemail picked up I was already snoozing my way back into dreamland. Half an hour later the phone rang again, and as expected I ignored it with the same zeal. I’m way too tired to peel myself out of bed and stumble my way to the bathroom to pick up the call.

Having an over eager girlfriend who’s way too excited to spend the Saturday morning with me can sometimes dampen the plan of sleeping in till 2 p.m. So finally I got up at around 10:45 a.m. to answer the call. Apparently she woke up that morning and decided that today was a very good day to go to the beach. She couldn’t contain the excitement that she had to make sure we don’t miss out on this opportunity by calling me every half hour until I picked up the phone. This is one quality that makes her so endearing and lovable – always excited to spend time with me

It was gloomy and wet outside, but that’s typical Wahiawa weather around this time of the year, and is never a good indicator of how the weather at the beach is going to be like. So, 10 mins after informing me that we’re going to the beach she was already ringing my doorbell and we we’re on our way to the beach.

It was a little overcast when we got to the beach, but it was perfect since we forgot to bring sunscreen.  I jumped in the water right away while she took a nap on the sand. After spending a few hours at the beach we decided that it was time for lunch. A friend of hers suggested this great sandwich/sub place around Haliewa called Storto’s. I’m not really a big fan of sandwiches but since they have pastrami I gave it a try.  To my suprise it was actually very good. The bread was nice and soft, the veggies were fresh, the meat was very tasty, and best of all it’s the size of Subway footlong but for a fraction of the price. My girlfriend always gets excited when we make little discoveries like this because O’ahu is such a small island and discovering good eating places like this is like finding El Dorado or the fountain of youth.

Staring at her and watch that sparkle of excitement in her eyes about our great discovery of the day, I can’t help but smile. It just makes me realize how lucky I am to have someone whom I can spend a gloomy Saturday with and still make a great day out of it.

Maui discovery

I can’t believe that it’s been a week since we made that little short trip to Maui and I haven’t even written a thing about it yet! Well, to all those who’ve been asking or wondering the answer is no, that wasn’t our honeymoon. We didn’t get hitched – not yet, at least. It was suppose to be my cousin’s honeymoon and we we’re just suppose to meet up with them for the weekend, but since Uncle Sam called him to duty to serve and protect the country’s assests from internal and external enemies he had no choice but to change his plans. He went to O’ahu a week earlier instead and spent a little bit of his time with us. And since we’ve book everything, from hotel, to car, to ferry, and we’ve already filed for vacation on those days we felt that we should just make the trip on our own and enjoy. And it was one of the best short trips I’ve taken in a very long time. Better than the short Vegas trips we used to take when I still lived in L.A.

The first thing I noticed when we set foot on Maui is that Maui huge. Sugar cane fields, pineapple fields, and corn fields flanked both sides of the highway as we drove along the isthmus from Kahului to Kihei. Unlike O’ahu, where the mountain side is littered with lights from homes, buildings, and bustling traffic, Maui is quite quaint.

Front Street, Lahaina Town

The drive around the northern head of the island was one of the most beautiful drives I’ve ever driven. Lahaina is one of the must see places on the northwestern head. It is the old capital of Hawai’i and the former whaling rest stops in the Pacific. Most of it’s rustic elements are still preserved till this day even the old town justice hall. The highlight of the drive was the drive through Kahakuloa. At first we were a little apprehensive to drive down there since the road narrows down to a single lane road and zigzags around sheer cliffs and gulches. But the mystery of what’s around the bend just prods you to keep on going and unravel that mystery. The drive was actually beautiful yet dangerous. Passing by the small farming village of Kahakuloa just makes you feel like you’ve stepped into a time warp. It gives you a sneak peak of what life was like before the sugarcane fields and the honeymooners.

view of the Sunrise from 10,000 ft.

On the southern head of the island we drove up to the summit of the House of the Sun – Haleakala. We were crazy enough to wake up at 3:00 am after driving the whole day just so we could watch the sunrise. The drive from Kihei to the summit was about two hours long. Half way through the mountain the air starts to get thin and the vegetation begins to change. By the time you reach 7,000 ft. the terrain and vegetation is eerily similar to that of the Mojave desert during spring time – short brushes, rocky landscape, and dry thin cold air. By the time your reach the summit you look across the caldera and you’ll see the bright red rays of the sun as it try to make it’s way through the clouds almost beneath your feet. As the sun slowly reveals itself it is the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen and will make that 3:00 am wake up time all worth it. I suggest you bring someone special to watch the sunrise with you since it’ll probably be one of the most romantic things you’ve ever done in your life.